


The Last Day on Earth

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8256506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Steve and Natasha reflect on their feelings and motivations from the last time they meet after the fall of SHIELD to the aftermath of Civil War. Meanwhile Captain America works to save his lost best friend, the Black Widow tries not to get her heart broken.





	1. Late Again

**Author's Note:**

> I really suck at summaries, so if there's anyone reading this I consider it a win. As usual, none of the characters belong to me.

 Steve had never been particularly good with women, he wasn't particularly bad either; he could take them out, buy tickets, talk about the movie, return them to their homes before ten and walk back to his own apartment without much trouble. He wouldn't turn their world upside down or smooth talk his way into their bedrooms however -That was pure Bucky territory -but it was okay; he had come to terms with that fact as soon as he was old enough to realize his body wasn't the kind girls lost sleep over. It didn't even bother him all that much anymore, he had bigger issues to attend and girls had never been a top priority of his; in fact had never had a real crush on someone until he'd been accepted in the army, and luckily for him, that woman had certainly been interested in him as well.

 It never worked in the end however, and though the notion of that failure still haunted him sometimes, Steve came to terms with it too; he had made a choice and Peggy had respected it, because no matter how perfect she was, how much at home she made him feel, his own happiness couldn't equal the amount of lives that would have been lost if he hadn't crashed into the ocean. _It is okay_ , he reminded himself daily and every time he visited her in her new home.

 So yeah, he wasn't very bad with women but he wasn't smooth either -fact which he blamed more on his lack of practice than on awkwardness -So he had absolutely no idea of what to say to Natasha as she kissed him on the cheek and turned around to leave him with Bucky's files on his hands. Nothing would have pleased him more than her announcing that she would join him on his crusade, but of course, she had her own matters to attend to, and he wouldn't, in a million years ask her to dismiss her affairs so she could accompany him; besides, he had Sam -Who probably wasn't as beautiful and funny and brilliant as she was, but was a good companion too -And that should be enough. He watched her go, and stared after her red hair which in the afternoon light, seemed to absorb all the bronze colors that existed.

 Sam coughed and made himself visible by his side, reminding Steve of the new mission he had before himself, pushing all other thoughts out of his head instantly. They jumped in the car and left Washington that afternoon as well. Steve supposed it was a matter of time until he met Natasha again and that notion calmed him more than if she had actually told him where she was headed to.

 

 Months passed and no matter how many leads they followed, former HYDRA agents they questioned or how many crappy motel rooms they spend the night in, trying to unravel the secrets between the lines of the files Natasha had provided, neither Steve or Sam came across any kind of useful information. Bucky remained hidden, or on the run, wherever he was now, doing whatever he was doing. A fatigue had spread all over them, and it was the kind not even his super serum could fight. Steve worried and skipped sleeping hours trying to make sense of what little information they managed to gather, he kept his hopes up for weeks until one night while he stared at Bucky's picture under the cheap artificial light over his desk, inside a rented room he decided that maybe Natasha had been right from the beginning and the Winter Soldier was indeed a ghost. It didn't mean he wouldn't find him, Steve was sure he would eventually do it. But after months of search with no results he began to doubt his method was effective at all; maybe he needed to regroup, think for a while and look in different places, before the lack of progress consumed him, or that was what Sam told him one morning while they ate breakfast at a little dinner they found along the road.

 Meanwhile, Sam and him had grown close and Steve thanked whatever stars looked over him to having found this man who he barely knew but had still decided a stranger's cause was one worth fighting for, and also, had great taste in music. However there were still times when he wished his newly gained friend's rambling was too much to bear. Of course Sam would have a thousand questions and most of the time Steve was glad he had someone to talk to; but when they reached the topic of his romantic life he felt just as uncomfortable as he had performing his little Captain America's USO show. He often wondered if there was something about his face or his demeanor that invited people to pry into his personal life, Natasha certainly had, though that hadn't been entirely unpleasant.

 After a while he had decided speaking about women he wasn't fully attracted to was easier than sharing his thoughts about the ones that really occupied his mind. But of course he had witnessed Sam's attempt at trying to flirt with Natasha when they first met and in exchange Sam had heard Steve dismiss him. _"Can't run everywhere."_ He had told him, seemingly innocent as he jumped into Natasha's Corvette before his friend could say anything else to the woman inside. He had believed himself so smooth at the time, he still did, though now it was obvious his attempt hadn't gone unnoticed, by neither part.

  _"So she and you, are a thing?"_ Sam asked from his seat at the other side of the table they shared beside the pool of a cheap road motel. The surface of the table between them covered in files and pictures they had been accumulating the last few months.

 _"She who?"_ Steve inquired in a poor attempt at avoiding the conversation. Sam only laughed.

 _"Come on man, you know who I'm talking about."_ Steve wanted to hide under a rock. _"I mean, you can't deny there was something."_  

 _"Was there?"_ Steve wondered, looking over the files though his mind was somewhere else; he supposed Sam was right, there had been something, or at least he had thought so until he woke up at the hospital and Natasha never showed up. _"We're partners, or were, now that SHIELD doesn't exist anymore."_ He knew that wasn't really correct, maybe SHIELD wasn't officially operational anymore but he doubted Fury was spending his free time relaxing under the sun.

  _"If you say so."_ Sam replied, if there was something good about him, it was that he knew when not to push any further. _"But if I were you, I wouldn't let too much time go by; you don't meet a woman like that everyday."_ Steve nodded silently.

 It was a week after that conversation that he got the call from Tony; unconsciously Steve had know the time was approaching, he hadn't made any progress with Bucky and terrorism never sleeps, which meant, the Avengers would have to re-assemble sooner or later. He had bitter sweet thoughts about that call, a part of him refused to put his search for his long lost best friend to a stop, it was't right to give up -Even if momentarily -When Bucky needed him, especially when the later had never failed him in a moment of need, would never do it if the situation was the other way around. But the other part of Steve yearned for his friends, it had never occurred to him, when he had first been thawed that he would find a group of people he would feel so utterly comfortable with in this new era; that he would feel at home in a place that wasn't 1945. But even among them, the Avengers, there was a void to fill and the person who would fill it had died several decades ago, or so he thought, until months ago in Washington. Steve was sure now, that if he managed to bring back Bucky -Even if he was never the same boy he remembered from his childhood -He would be complete.

 It was time for a break though, he couldn't keep this charade up for too long, and most importantly, he couldn't put Sam through it. They weren't getting any results anyway. So he talked to Sam, explained what was happening and he understood, after all, it was him that had suggested a break first.

 They parted ways two weeks after that afternoon by the pool when Sam brought up Natasha and Steve wondered what would happen now when they met again. Tony had told him the original team would regroup, plus Rhodes; that meant she would be there as well, he found himself almost excited at the idea.

 Sam went back to Washington and Steve left for New York, both agreed they would remain in contact until it was time to start a new search altogether. Steve thanked him profusely even if their search hadn't provided anything but loose ends, Sam didn't seem to be let down by that fact however, still happy that Captain America had asked him for help in a moment of need. They said their goodbyes at the airport after Steve returned their rental car, whatever fondness he might have wanted to express was forgotten when Sam told him he should take a shower and slip into a new shirt before he met Natasha again. The former SHIELD agent dismissed his comment as his friend chuckled behind him.

 

 Against his better judgement, he did find himself getting anxious as the cab he took from the airport neared the tower, time had passed since he had last been there, but that wasn't the reason he felt his stomach twist under his skin. As expected Steve hadn't been able to take a shower on the plane and time had been cut short, so he really hoped he was one of the first ones to arrive. He got lucky as he was, indeed, the first one besides Stark who did actually live there. He had expected jokes or at least teasing from him due to his appearance, but he received none; as he would soon learn Tony and Pepper weren't exactly in a good place, like it often happened when the team joined for battle once more, Steve made no comment on that subject whatsoever -And even if he didn't know it, Tony thanked that small courtesy, probably because if their places were switched he wouldn't have done the same for Cap.

 Finally on a Wednesday, and almost a year since the last time he'd seen her, a different cab stopped inside the tower's underground parking lot. JARVIS announced agents Barton and Romanov's arrival accompanied by Dr Bruce Banner. Steve and Tony waited for them upstairs, and after the latter shook Clint's hand and walked towards Natasha not quite sure of how to approach her, Steve was painfully clear that something had changed. She placed her hand on his shoulder and smiled up to him; his chest swelled as he returned the grin but it was cut short when Bruce quietly asked her if JARVIS should have her luggage delivered to her room. The redhead said yes and walked behind the doctor without saying a word.

 Steve heard Tony whistle under his breath and stood in place, confused before he quickly regained composure and Clint started asking details about Washington, the archer's eyes following Natasha's figure across the hall as well as his own.


	2. For The Best

 It all happened so fast that for the first time in years Natasha lost focus, one minute they were fighting and the next it was over. She didn't know where Steve was because, damn his luck, the last thing Hill told her was that he had ended trapped in the last helicarrier with the Winter Soldier. It was all in pieces now, the fight over and Triskelion on the ground; which meant there was a great possibility Steve was too. The general consensus was that he might have ended somewhere in the Potomac, the real question was, had he been conscious at the time of the fall or not?

 James was ruthless, no one knew that better than herself who had witnessed great part of his brainwashing through the years of her training, but he could also be very fragile at times, and the was absolutely no doubt inside her mind that Steve was entirely capable of allowing his former friend to put an end to his life because he refused to fight him. She was incredibly scared for the first time in what felt like ages. As soon as the third helicarrier fell, what was left of team started the search for their missing captain, she remained stoic herself, not a feeling showing in her face as she helped scan the shore of the Potomac; a deeper search of the river would require different equipment and she prayed -Not for the first time -That it wasn't necessary. Twenty minutes passed since she and Sam hopped off the helicopter until someone found the first traces of Steve; the ambulance reached the place in what seemed like seconds to her, a couple EMTs dropping beside him, one of them hurrying to perform a CPR on the soldier as his heart had stopped when they moved him inside the ambulance. And all the while she watched, frozen as the technicians cut the upper part of his suit into pieces to have better access to his chest, his skin terribly pale and a little blueish on the lips; his boots were soaked and he was covered in mud. She couldn't move, or tear her gaze apart from his features even when Sam gave her a look of deep worry. It was then, inside the ambulance and as her fingers reached for Steve's in an unconscious gesture that she realized how bad she fucked up.

 She had gotten too close, allowed herself to care too much for this stupid man laying on a stretcher in front of her. That single notion scared her more than the vision of the Winter Soldier after her -A man she once knew but now wouldn't bat a lash as he shoot her.

 It was an ancient instinct that ruled her, one taught to her ages ago, in a different time of her life; the Black Widow had no place, she didn't even exist. How could she hope someone to return her feelings if she wasn't supposed to have them at all? Natasha wasn't dumb though, she had seen the way Steve looked at her sometimes and she knew, that if she let him, whatever appreciation he had for her now could grow into something more over time; it was something she simply couldn't allow to happen, as tempting as that option was.

 Her nails sank into the skin of her palms as her hands became fists. Her eyes were still nailed to Steve's face, bruised and bloodied; he was beautiful but more importantly, he was good, better than she could ever aspire to be. He wasn't moved by any kind of selfishness, but by a deep sense of morality instead, she would never match him, she wasn't and would never be a suitable partner for him.

 In the end, The ambulance reached the hospital, and the paramedics pulled Steve out, dragging him inside the building with a concerned looking Sam following closely.

_"You coming?"_ He asked over his shoulder as he followed the commotion that had formed around his friend. Natasha remained silent for a fraction of a second before she pulled herself together again.

_"No."_ She answered calmly, only loud enough so he could hear her over the noise. _"I've got other things to do."_ Sam shrugged, but didn't look too convinced and the redhead wondered if she looked as bad as she felt, gaze blank and arms hanging at her sides.

 Natasha watched as both men disappeared around the corner, one walking on his own feet and the other dragged around in a stretcher. She didn't love Steve yet but she had been dangerously close to.

 

 The following days went by in a rush too, as she tried to fix some of the mess they left laying around after the fall of SHIELD; once the dust settled some other feelings started to do it too. Natasha became painfully aware that Fury never trusted her enough to let her know that his dying act had never been more than just that, an act; Maria hadn't either, but since she had been following orders her back-stab didn't hurt so much. The fact that she had been employed by terrorists all the while didn't raised her morale either. How did she miss it? After all those years it should have been clear for someone of her expertise; or maybe it was her training, conditioned to follow orders without questioning them like any other robot. But whatever the cause, the truth was that she had been doing HYDRA's dirty work for years now, all the while thinking she was redeeming her past, Natasha could only imagine how Pierce had been laughing at her all this time.

 And meanwhile she was always avoiding Steve. A part of her -The weakest -Wanted nothing more than to run to his side, let him tell her how none of what had happened was her fault, that no one, no even the most clever spy would have anticipated this outcome. But she had made a decision already, the need to put some distance between the two of them was imperative, more than that, it was necessary, she would not, under any circumstance jeopardize Steve's future for her own needs, she would never be good enough for him and that was the end of it; Natasha would swallow her emotions and never speak of them again like she had done with different situations along the years.

 But even with all the determination in the world, her resolve still shook over it's foundations as she approached him at the graveyard. He was completely healed, all traces of the fight gone thanks to the serum running through her veins. He didn't mention her absence and she didn't apologize. Her eyes did shift a little when he stated that she wouldn't stay. _Blew all my covers_ she told him, briefly wondering if he would ask her to go with him now that he knew for a fact she wasn't going to go with Fury. He didn't in the end and she mentally slapped herself for being disappointed. 

 Natasha handed him the files and he took a quick look at them. She vaguely informed him of how she got them.

 And lastly, as if to place the final nail on her coffin, Natasha asked him to call the nurse from across his door.

_"She's not a nurse."_ He told her.

_"And you're not a SHIELD agent."_ The redhead replied, giving Steve one more reason to go on, knowing it would only hurt her when she replayed the moment in her head.

 The hand she had on his shoulder dragged him down a bit, as she stood on her toes; it would have been so easy to turn her head and kiss him on the lips, she could have died a happy woman, but of course, she didn't, pressing her lips against his cheek instead. She gave him one final warning before turning around and leaving.

 Inside her car she called Clint, because she needed to lick her wounds and sometimes, when he had his mouth occupied with food he could be an excellent listener.


	3. Distraction

 Steve spent the next few days confused, Natasha continued to be friendly to him, she smiled and laughed and teased him sometimes, it was nice, it reminded him of when they first started to work together after the battle of New York. He was friendly to her as well; still, there was something missing, the look in her eyes had changed. Steve came to wonder if he had imagined the way she used to look at him, it was possible he told himself, the unexpected closeness of being on the run together could have lead him to believe her feeling towards him had a different nature. Sam couldn't have imagined them though, but it was probable that he had mistaken her intentions, Sam didn't know Natasha very well - _And you do?_ Asked an obnoxious little voice on the back of his mind, but Steve shut if out - _Whatever_ , he decided, the thing was that Natasha did no longer possessed romantic feelings towards him, if she ever had them in the first place.

 What unnerved him however was her growing closeness with Bruce Banner. Bruce was a good man, as far as he could tell, he worked hard and tried to stay as far away from Tony's drama as possible; he had never seen him treat Natasha with disrespect or be dismissive towards her, especially now that she seemed to be in his company during a great part of he day, this new attention made the doctor act a little awkward, Steve thought - _Like you're not_ , the annoying voice reminded him once more -But he managed to work just fine. There was seemingly a project going on there; Natasha had informed Steve over pizza that during a fraction of the months they spent apart, she and Bruce had managed to find a non violent way to turn him back to his human self when he was in Hulk mode. Steve had been impressed as for what he had heard, this hadn't been seen before and the only way the team had had to calm the other guy don had been through knocking him out with a blow on the head.

 Of course that judging by the appearances combat wasn't the only field his teammates had made progress into. Steve couldn't really tell if Tony had noticed something else, but Clint certainly had, as his eagle eyes seemed to follow the doctor everywhere he went, every once in a while his gaze narrowed when Bruce's hand rested on Natasha's back and though in another situation Steve would have found Hawkeye's behavior extremely funny, he would have to admit he felt the same kind of apprehension himself.

 Natasha, of course, didn't say a thing, in fact whenever the conversation started to drift towards the romantic side of her life she just slipped behind her Black Widow mask and asked Steve if he had finally called Sharon, which, he had to admit hurt like she was exfoliating a piece of burned skin. After a while, and even if she had never said a thing, it became pretty obvious who Sharon really was; Steve wished that the blonde agent would have introduced herself with her real name at the time, but he also knew it was impossible due to the fact that she had been following orders when they first met. He had only found out when Hill brought her up in the conversation one evening, Maria had referred to Sharon as agent Carter and Steve's heart had jumped from his chest at the mention of the title, only to figure out later they weren't really talking about Peggy, the feeling quickly shifting toward his stomach, now twisting uncomfortably inside him.

 He would have to give Fury credit for being the sneaky son of a bitch he was though, because it couldn't be a coincidence that Peggy's niece was the same agent that had been assigned to keep tabs on him from across the hall; Fury would have thought her resemblance to Cap's old flame would keep him grounded and would have not hesitated to push them together to ensure the captain's loyalty; of course, and it was obvious too now, the colonel had never met Peggy, because the resemblance was nonexistent and frankly, if he hadn't found out by other means, Steve would have never guessed the two of them were connected in any way.

 So yeah, Steve hadn't called Sharon and Natasha never asked for any reasons; thought he had almost wished she had, at least he could have voiced his thoughts on the matter.

 

 

 Truth was Bruce was a nice man, but Natasha already knew that, she didn't need a couple weeks on a lab to tell. Another truth was, that she hadn't been particularly elated when she learned she was supposed to work with him on a more personal level now, all of it was Fury's doing of course, who had not only used his free time to destroy remaining HYDRA facilities, but also, taking a look at their investigations on the neurology field, he came across a kind of conditioning that would allow a subject to become highly suggestible to sleep when a few words were spoken by person in a certain kind of voice. He presented the option to Bruce to help him _de-hulk_ as he had put it, after a battle. To Natasha's surprise the doctor came to consider the idea very seriously and allowed Fury to try it on him; on the back of her mind she pitied Dr Banner a little, he was so desperate to control his other personality that he would grant Fury permission to get him a handler; it was something she would never do, but at the same time she reminded herself that their situations were different, Natasha didn't have a problem like he one he had, therefore, she couldn't judge.

 The real surprise came when the colonel recommended her for the job, his reasoning was clear though, she was pretty, had a nice voice and Clint smelled like wet dog besides he was far too irresponsible to be considered, fact which the latter didn't discuss because it meant he was off the hook for now. Natasha considered refusing as she was in her own right to, but the face Bruce made as she was about to object -Not really disappointed, as if he had been expecting this sort of rejection -Made up her mind. The two of them spent the last weeks of her hiatus training and polishing the method until it was fully effective and it took the smallest amount of words from her. When the time to assemble came again, she had mastered the art of putting the big guy to sleep.

 It could have ended there, their relationship only professional, but as the date she would return to the team, and it's leader specifically came closer, she started looking for distractions, at first innocent, then not so much. Natasha couldn't really recall what lead her to idea of considering Bruce more than just a teammate in the first place, she wasn't attracted to him, not really, and if she was considering a partner in that way there was a much viable option behind the door at the left of her own room, Clint had never rejected her in that way, but she supposed the archer had always been out of the question for the simple matter that losing his friendship over some silly resolution to forget the man she really felt the pull to be with was not worth the risk. 

 She was really aware that anyone else would considered what she was doing as _toying_ , even though she had never gone further from an occasional tease and the proverbial flirting; Natasha didn't know which approach Bruce liked the most, with Steve it had always been compliments, looking at him through her lashes and smiling at him from across the room, it was also different because she had never had to fake it, all the smiles she had given him, whether they were on the battlefield or when they were alone she had meant them, every rare time she blushed, he had caused it. 

 So she went for a more old Hollywood sort of thing, and kept it going until the entered the tower that day; she couldn't really tell if Bruce was aware of any of it, even though he was fairly easy to read, he never seemed to pay her attempts much attention; which pretty much made her feel like she was teenager trying to undress her teacher, not really appealing for a woman her age.

 On the other side, Steve looked like a kicked puppy, which didn't make her attempt at creating a distance between them any easier. The whole situation was a mess and Natasha felt as if her standards had reached a new low.

_"A penny for your thoughts."_

_"You'll have to offer me more than a couple dollars Rogers."_ Natasha replied, turning on her place on the couch, a tired smile gracing her lips. _"You can't expect me to sell so cheap."_ She added in after a quiet tsk of her tongue.

_"I meant no offense."_ Steve apologized, a playful note slipping into his voice as he spoke.

 She didn't say anything and they looked at each other for a while. Natasha wondered if he had a distress sensor and he could actually feel someone's uneasiness from afar as he always seemed to be close when she needed to lift her spirits. The redhead wasn't sure he could be of help in that moment though.

  _"What are you watching?"_ He asked instead when she remained silent.

 Natasha glanced back at the screen, the scenery was beautiful, perfectly crafted until the most minimum detail; all was forgotten however, when the girl made her entrance again, taking her place in the middle of the stage, preparing before she lifted her leg and started turning. It was the start of the coda.

_"Look at her."_ Natasha said, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder to get his attention almost unconsciously. Whether he was or not seeing what she meant was out of the question as the redhead knew Steve was as much of an art person as she was. _"She's perfect."_ Natasha told him, her eyes trapped as the girl turned and turned and the audience stood from their seats to applaud.

 He remained silent until it was over, but she knew he had felt it as his eyes were still on the screen even though the girl was gone now, replaced by the prince. 

  _"That was beautiful."_ Steve replied quietly a few seconds slipping by before he parted his lips again. _"You can do that too don't you?"_  

 Natasha's gaze turned to him once more, there was something under the surface of his voice that caught her attention, a yearning of sorts that called to her. She knew what kind of character that girl was playing, it was supposed to cause that effect on people, but Steve's eyes weren't on the screen anymore, they were on her.

  _"I used to."_ She answered quietly too. _"But I'm too rusty now."_

_"I don't think so."_ Steve said, as if it was the biggest truth in the universe. _"And I bet you would be better than her too."_

 Natasha didn't want to lie, there had been a time when she had performed too, and people had raised from their seats to applaud her, for once, noticing her for something good, something beautiful; it had been intoxicating at the time, it was all she wanted to do, all the time, everyday of her life. But like many things, that dream had been ripped from her too, replaced by cold, hard reality.

 She was about to say something when Tony entered, dragging his usual _"Livin' la vida loca"_ halo around him; he looked at them on the couch and one of his eyebrows rose above the other, Natasha was pretty sure he noticed more than he claimed, but as long as he kept his mouth shut she couldn't care less about what he knew.

  _"So pizza then?"_ The millionaire asked, partially to break the strange silence that had settled between the three of them the moment he walked in. _"I think this team is in desperate need of some bonding time."_

 Natasha shrugged, turning the DVD off, Steve was glancing at Tony as if he was about to shove his ass out of the window but didn't think that was polite.

_"I guess you're right."_ He replied, as Natasha slipped out of the room silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind comments! The ballet piece Nat is supposed to be watching is the Black Swan's Coda from Swan Lake in case anyone wonders. Also English is not my first language so I apologize for any errors. Constructive criticism and kudos are appreciated.


	4. Quiet

_"Thor is coming you know, I can feel it in the air."_ Tony voiced from his place on the bench _"There's some electricity on the atmosphere... A subtle smell of Old Spice."_ Natasha rolled her eyes as she attempted a move on Clint. Sweat rolling down her temples and a pleasant buzz swimming inside her muscles.

 _"Did his girlfriend call you?"_ The archer asked, successfully dodging Natasha as she gracefully dropped to the ground. _"Try harder sweety."_ He added, focusing on Tony, but talking to her, this smug smirk on his lips that she wished to erase with a slap.

 _"It was him actually."_ Tony replied, only a little disappointed that his companions weren't following his game. _"From his girlfriend's bed probably. How do you even manage a relationship when your sweetheart lives on another planet?"_ The archer looked at him, a mocking expression on his face.

 _"Maybe it has to do with the fact of him being totally committed to her..."_ Clint answered, with sarcastic edge slipping in his voice. Natasha used his temporary distraction to kick him behind the knee, his legs giving out, and she pulled him to the ground with her, the blond agent's head colliding with the mat's surface painfully.

 _"I'm totally committed to Pepper, and she still kicked me out."_ The millionaire replied, totally ignoring the archer's pained protests.

 Natasha immobilized her friend against the floor and turned her attention to Tony too. _"Have you tried apologizing?"_ The redhead asked, more for her own amusement than his relationship's sake as it was pretty obvious he hadn't.

_"I didn't do anything!"_

  _"I highly doubt that."_ Steve said, leaning on the gym door's frame. _"But you should buy her flowers anyway, take her some place nice for dinner maybe?"_

 The billionaire and his companions turned on his direction _"Well isn't that sweet America's voice I'm listening?"_ Tony glanced at the newcomer.

 _"I'm just saying."_ Steve answered with that _I'm a little shit look_ on his face that Natasha secretly favored sometimes.

 The spy smiled slightly and Clint's lungs struggled to get air in and out while under her steel grip.

  _"Yeah?"_ Tony scoffed and teased him back, still on the friendly side though. _"What are you waiting for then? Go woo some ladies, if that's what you old men call it."_ He challenged with a poor imitation of a Brooklyn accent with a seemingly bitter expression on his face.

 And because he was a little shit indeed, Steve answered what crossed his mind first. _"The one I like is not available."_ He said, feeling pretty proud of his own cleverness; the captain did not eye Natasha though, it would have been way to obvious if he had, even for someone like Tony, besides, he was pretty sure she heard him alright.

 The redhead played dumb, finally releasing Clint's throat from where she had it trapped under her knee. _"Well I'm not sure about the ladies but Barton here... Could definitely use a roll in the hay."_ Natasha joked, elegantly dodging the comment.

 Her dismissal almost made Steve regret opening his mouth in the first place, if not for the slightly flustered look the redhead had when she spoke. Clint on the other side was outraged. _"I'm fine, thank you."_ The archer said in lack of a clever response, his throat still raspy from the pressure his friend had applied on it; he made a mental note not to call Natasha sweety in a public space again.

 Tony was more than entertained, sitting on the bench next to the ring and so out of place in his tailored suit, which Steve suspected was probably worth the same amount of money as the iron ones.  _"Back to what I was saying before Cap decided to honor us with his presence..."_ The billionaire started. _"Thor's arriving tomorrow and to celebrate him I think we should go out and kick some ass. JARVIS was able to hack some servers on the other side of the world and found a pretty big rat nest in this Sokovia place."_

 The mood changed quickly after this announcement, Steve and Natasha switching into work mode while Clint tried swallowing some water to get his throat clear again. _"What is it about?"_ Steve asked, lifting his body from where he was leaning, growing taller in a second, Captain mode.

 _"You'll love it."_ Tony said. _"They're HYDRA."_

 Steve had sort of expected that, as his private crusade to save his friend was now common knowledge after the fall of SHIELD. Still the information sent a chill down his spine, a big HYDRA facility meant files, and new leads and possibilities. His interest on the raid had just peaked and Natasha could see that.

 _"So when are we leaving?"_ The redhead asked, her intentions of putting a personal distance between her former partner and herself did not mean she wasn't ready to help him every time he needed it, especially with something he considered so important.

 _"Well Thor isn't even here yet."_ Tony reminded them, clearly pleased that his teammates were giving his idea the same kind of enthusiasm he had. _"But he'll be here tomorrow, so... Friday?"_

 Steve nodded already tracing plans in his head, all his concentration was lost however, when Natasha rose inside the little ring they had in the center of the gym's training room, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and he could catch the sight of a little sweat drop running down her neck and the back of her shoulder before disappearing at the touch of her tank top's fabric. His eyes were trapped in that little event no one else noticed, like they had been when watching that nameless ballerina on the television. Steve had never seen Natasha actually dance, she swayed sometimes at parties and allowed war lords and terrorists to twirl her around for the good of the mission, only to crush them against the floor once she had the intel she needed. But real dancing, ballet, never. And somehow, watching that girl on the DVD had ignited a curiosity he hadn't felt before.

 _"I'll inform Banner."_ The woman in question announced while slipping between the ring's ropes. Steve sighed, whatever games his mind was playing were quickly destroying his resolve, and his heart.

 

 Their friend's arrival was unexpectedly quiet, he greeted them all and summarized the latest events which took place in Asgard since the team parted ways after New York; Loki was dead, killed after he finally redeemed himself, Thor said; he didn't mention his personal life any further and no one asked, with the exception of an occasional joke from Stark. Natasha thought whatever events happened to their Asgardian friend shook him deeper than he was letting on, still, a smile lifted his lips and though the death of his brother weighted on his shoulders he seemed to be at peace, even in those quiet little moments when his gaze seemed lost and everyone talked around him.

 She eyed Thor as he sat across from her in the common room; Natasha didn't say anything, but she wished Steve would find that sort of peace for himself one day, either if he was able to save Barnes from what he had become or if he wasn't. She was incredibly scared of what would happen to her friend, if in the end, years of torture and mind washing proved to be more than what one man could endure before losing himself.

 Natasha left the common room early that morning, meaning to prep her gear and take a bath before going to sleep; she was about to enter her room when she saw Steve; he was looking out of the window, hands in his pockets and wearing a shirt she had bought for him a year ago; it was still foreign to her how he managed to turn her resolve into water without even saying a word, without even looking at her; but then again, she supposed those were the times when she enjoyed the sight of him the most, when he wasn't aware of her looking.

 _"Going to sleep now?"_ She asked, not really aware of when she decided to approach him. Natasha wondered how was she supposed to put distance between them when Steve was so near all the time and she didn't even wish it to be otherwise.

  _"Gotta rise early tomorrow."_ He explained, and there was something about his voice, deep sometimes but also this sort of playfulness it had whenever he spoke to her that made her tremble.

 _"Yeah."_ She acknowledged, standing beside him as he turned and dropped his gaze a little so their eyes could meet, it was something he did pretty often, Natasha never thought she would enjoy being smaller than a man so much.

 They remained silent for a while. Natasha was aware of what she was doing with Bruce and the effects it would have if she kept it up any longer; as good as Steve believed he was hiding his feelings he hadn't reached a level were he she couldn't read him right away, the pained looks he tried no to give her when she directed her affections towards the doctor didn't go unnoticed. It killed her knowing that eventually the way his eyes lightened up a bit when she teased at him would disappear.

 _"Good night Steve."_ The redhead told him, her fingers curling inside her hand as she restrained herself from touching his shoulder. 

  _"Have a good night."_ He replied like he wanted to say something else but couldn't really.

 Steve sighed and turned to leave for his room then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter today; have a lot of work to do, also, thanks for all the nice comments, they make my day guys :)


	5. Blindness

 The raid had been successful but not exactly uneventful as she wished, still the team managed to get the scepter back and create a chaos that was more than enough so the remaining HYDRA operatives ran away like bugs out of the building, Natasha enjoyed crushing some of them, the adrenaline of running through bullets as they simply flew by her, not even scratching her skin, it was the kind of feeling she had missed during her time off. Steve was also a sight for sore eyes, watching him move while in combat, effectively defeating whoever crossed his path with a grace he lacked whenever he was standing at a dance floor at Tony's unnecessary big parties was a _gift_ ; their styles, his and hers were so different, yet equally efficient; over the years she had learnt to appreciate that kind of thing like it was art, the same as dancing; and watching him... She enjoyed it more than she would ever admit. 

 But she had other matters to attend at the time too, the Lullaby was a success like the team expected, it was nice knowing the hours she had spent training with Bruce had paid off. Although, still in the middle of their success there was something that bugged her about the recent operation that she couldn't put a finger on, Natasha was good at reading people and though she did spend a lot of time in the Doctor's company she didn't follow him everywhere; the redhead didn't ask him about his job besides what concerned the Avengers either, they didn't really talk about work when they were alone, she liked to keep those subjects away in an attempt at convincing herself that they did have something in common and their newly gained closeness wasn't just a fruit of her personal agenda. She was pretty sure the Doctor and Tony were working on something, not entirely secret, but private; fact from which she had decided to maintain herself apart from until the raid. Her curiosity had been kept at bay until the moment she saw the shadow clouding Stark's usually exuberant demeanor.

 She didn't question Bruce on the matter though, nor she slipped inside their lab, deciding to keep an eye open for whatever abnormalities might appear instead. But at the moment, now, she was facing much more trivial questions; standing in front of her closet and wrapped in a towel, choosing a dress; hell, she even felt like a normal woman at the time. The redhead remained in her position looking at the contents of her wardrobe, no need to flip through each piece as she already knew them by memory; Natasha considered the pros and cons of each one, knowing which parts of her they would highlight and which ones they would hide. In the back of her mind a little voice had an answer for her hesitation, it didn't have to do with her not knowing which one was suitable for the companion, but more with her not knowing who she wanted the companion to be. A couple nights before she had been sure to give up on her efforts to draw a line between her common sense and whatever feelings were growing inside her heart but now she wasn't sure. A moment of weakness had made her doubt when she saw Steve walking away from her and Natasha thought that maybe it wasn't too late to end the charade once and for all, leaving whatever happened with Bruce at innocent flirting and giving up, after all she hadn't yet made a move on him, or at least, not an explicit one. But waking up the next day she wondered if it was okay, she knew that if she decided to stop it wouldn't be because she decided Dr Banner wasn't the man for her, but because there was another one in her heart, and even in all her bravery she still couldn't bring herself to admit that her feelings for Steve were slowly crossing the friendly boundaries.

 In the end she picked a dress without thinking, and tried, so hard not to focus on the fact that she had chosen the one which was slightly more old fashioned than the rest. The redhead moved methodically, doing her hair and her makeup, she supposed that if she had already chosen an attire that was a little more on the retro side she might as well compliment it with the same kind of makeup, simple eyes, red lips. 

 A knock on her door caught her as she finished putting on her earrings. Natasha opened the door carefully, almost cautious of who she might find on the other side; she had been far too distracted to hear her visitor's steps and deduce who he was from them. To her relief, and also disappointment, the person behind the door was Tony.

  _"Ready Romanoff?"_ He asked, a strange look on his face. She couldn't be sure if it had to do with his unusual behavior since the raid or if it was another thing entirely, Natasha would take a bet and say it was a little bit of both. _"Don't wanna be late."_

  _"It's always fashionable to be just a little behind schedule."_ The redhead replied, a smirk spreading on her lips.

_"That's acceptable for brides dear."_ Tony said, that sarcastic edge on his voice he wasn't afraid to use on her as he knew for a fact she would not feel offended. _"Not soviet spies."_

 She hummed and accepted his point without arguing, she and Tony weren't overly close, but they understood each other in a different way from the rest of the team, they didn't try to find an explanation for the other's behavior, just let them be. Natasha wouldn't bring up the billionaire's parents or blame his sometimes erratic conduct on them and in return he wouldn't acknowledge her training and her past without respect. It wasn't an agreement they had ever discussed, it just was. 

 

 The billionaire offered her his arm and Natasha was careful to leave her door closed behind her, she didn't really have anything important in plain sight, but some habits die hard; after spending what seemed like a lifetime in a place where no privacy was allowed between twenty-eight young girls, any discretion she found at hand was precious.

  _"So what games are you playing?"_ Stark asked, successfully turning her attention towards him.

  _"Pardon me?"_ The redhead replied, partly because he had caught her when she was distracted but also because she knew exactly what he meant.

_"You know..."_ Tony said, looking at her, not condescendingly but knowingly. _"With Cap."_ He clarified, clearly satisfied with his own cleverness but lacking the usual spark he had in his voice or eyes when he knew he was right.

 Natasha scrutinized his face for a couple seconds before responding. _"We're friends."_ She said in a nonchalant tone.

_"Come on!"_ The brunet half laughed, half accused. _"That's the excuse all of you women use, does it come with a notebook full of friendzone quotes too?"_ He asked, and if the subject was different Natasha would have probably laughed.

_"It's the truth."_ She said simply.

_"So you're actually friendzoning Cap?"_ Tony huffed and looked at her like he could actually (And for once) See right through her mask. _"And while probing Bruce? He might not see it, or be ignoring for now but I can."_

 Natasha remained impassible, face blank and a walk that would break any ballerina's heart from envy. It was the cover she used whenever someone got too close to her thoughts, but of course, Tony didn't know her well enough to tell.

_"Don't try to ignore me Red."_ He warned in what was supposed to be his authoritative voice but she did just the thing.

 A minute went by and Tony sighed, not defeated, but very tired. _"Fine, do as you like; I'll never understand you women."_ He rolled his eyes, taking one last glance at her, his eyes taking in her frame and noticing (Because why not) Everything, from her dress to her makeup and Natasha wished she had just chosen a sack of potatoes to wear because now it was terribly clear she was dressed for someone. _"You'll break his heart, all just for fun."_ He said, a meditative note on his voice, Tony wasn't even accusing her anymore, there was only pity in his words, it was what brought her out of her shell in the end.

  _"I'm not toying with him Stark."_ Natasha sort of explained, her voice charged with every single minute she had spent dreading herself for being so selfish.

 Her companion looked at her, confusion splattered all over his face when he registered her voice. _"Then why?"_ The billionaire asked even though he felt like he already knew the answer, understood it somehow.

 Natasha looked up, meeting his eyes for a split second and Tony could almost feel some of her emotions being poured inside of her green irises, it was strange, he thought, or maybe it was always like that with her; Natasha kept her emotions at bay all the time, always hidden, maybe the strain of it was so strong that when she did let them show, it was obvious like that.

  _"You don't think you're good enough for him."_ He said, astonished in part because let's face it, the redhead on his arm was one of the most beautiful woman he'd met; but also a little scared, because he did know the feeling all too well.

 Natasha sighed, finally gaining control over herself and returning to that emotionless place behind her shell. Neither of them said another word until they reached the common area, their friends already laughing and joking. 

 

 She would have to admit, that when Tony's parties were not absolutely out of control, they were quiet enjoyable. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, she even spotted Sam somewhere with Steve's veteran guests, she laughed a little at that, she hadn't thought he would actually do it when she challenged him to find some people his own age to share a a drink with. Tony and Thor were having a macho competition on who had the most badass girlfriend while Maria made faces at her from the other side of the room. It was nice, that much was true but she didn't find herself enjoying it the way she should, Natasha supposed Tony's words still stuck inside her mind in some way.

 It was rare and rather funny, that someone who sometimes only managed the sensitivity of a rock would utter the exact words to make her mind a mess, He had been right, more than that, he had mentioned the exact problem and seen it through her right away, to say she was surprised was not enough. Rationally, she credited his cleverness to the fact that he was probably suffering the same problem at the same time as she was; Natasha had seen his face contort slightly when Rhodey asked about Pepper's absence before Tony came out with a viable excuse; deep in her heart she wished he would fix things with her soon, there was always something missing on him when they weren't together.

 It was then, as she stood behind the bar fixing herself a drink when Bruce approached her. Natasha fell quickly into a flirting mode, the angle on her body and the tilt of her face as she looked at him were all too familiar, practiced, unreal. She grabbed another glass and started pouring half her cocktail on it. she could see through her experienced eyes that the Doctor was trying to flirt with her, in his own awkward yet sometimes adorable way, she could tell he was feeling uncomfortable, it was all written in his body, his face. She looked at him with her best heart eyes, and her words seemed forced even to herself.

_"He's not so bad... Well he has a temper, deep down he's all fluff..."_ She told him, allowing the words to come out of her mouth in their own sultry way. _"Fact is he's not like anybody I've ever known."_ Natasha said, an uncomfortable feeling nestling inside her stomach, only increasing when he looked at her surprised and seemed to play along. Maybe Stark had been wrong and Bruce had always been indeed, aware of her attempts.

_He's cute,_ she tells herself, as a subtle blush appears on his face when she goes on. _"He's also a huge dork."_ Her own words hurt when she sees Bruce's face change, looking back at her surprised, interested, flattered almost. It's like poking an open wound because all the words that spill out of her lips are true, the compliments are accurate but she wishes, desperately needs him to be another man. It's then when she notices Steve, standing not so far so he couldn't listen to her with that enhanced hearing of his, his back is turned to them so she can't see his face, only the slight slump of his shoulders as he listens on and her next speech comes out a little dubious. _"So what do you think, should I fight this or run with it?"_ Natasha inquires and it's like asking both of them.

 Bruce stumbles over a response but though her eyes are on him, her attention is somewhere else, she's waiting for another reply but Steve doesn't say anything, he turns, slowly as she finishes the conversation, her tongue on autopilot, uttering all the right things to make this man she doesn't care about in a romantic way believe she does. Natasha runs away, strolls actually, her drink in one hand an looking like she doesn't have a care in the world, she wants to be far away, enough not to hear what Steve is about to say, which is most probably a pep talk. She wants to tear her ears off not to listen to what she's absolutely sure would be the most honest encouraging speech, because unlike her, Steve is a decent person who wants nothing but the best for his friends.

 But it's impossible to stay away, so she sort of hides where she can watch the two of them. Bruce is ashamed, or sort of, she can tell; and Steve smiles. Natasha doesn't hear them, but she catches the way their lips move, the Doctor says the word _"Flirt"_ and Steve looks down for a bit before he replies. The captain starts to leave then, but stops for a minute to say something else; looking at him is like reopening a wound, she can feel whatever affection he has for her slipping away and she imagines, almost sees the day when he won't look at her with that light in his eyes, it's terrible, it hurts; the readhead wishes so badly not to see him smile, for him not to be completely okay with this charade she's pulling off because it would mean he's one step closer to give up on any feelings he might have for her. 

 It's subtle, Natasha is pretty sure she's the only one who catches it as Steve's eyes drop, his smile becomes too tight as the expression on his face becomes borderline pained; she's not sure he's talking about her in that moment because she missed his lips but it's enough to make up her mind as he walks away from Dr Banner. She would end things with Bruce before it got out of hand and therefore avoid putting Steve through anymore of her shit. _Tony will not be right_ , she decides, she can't break his heart, not when he's never been nothing but good to her, even back at the time when she was sure he didn't trust her he had been decent, more than that, _kind_ ; It's a luxury very few people had offered her and she remembers herself Steve knows where she comes from, it can't be that bad if he knows and still wants her, still looks at her with respect. Natasha needs to believe it's true with every beat of her heart.

 She leaves her hiding spot with the decision already made, there was no use on fighting whatever was going inside her if it only grew whenever she saw him, whenever he spoke to her and his eyes seemed to follow her whenever she went. If even after she had knowingly caused him pain Steve still finds inside him to be kind and support her choice to be with another man. It's no use, he's too good; Natasha can't let him slip between her fingers like water, she would only live to regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, longer chapter; it's been a while since I last watched AoU so pardon my mistakes; as always kudos and comments are deeply appreciated, and of course, I don't own any of the characters and blah blah...


	6. Entertainment

 As the night progresses, the people leave and only the Avengers and some friends remain. It's not long until they're all seated around Tony's coffee table while Natasha can tell alcohol is making some of her friends' minds dizzy; Bruce continues to court her with newly gained confidence she supposes he has acquired from Steve's pep talk, all the while her mind runs, reviewing all the paths she has to let him down easily; the redhead regrets, not for the first time, having involved him in her mess in the first place. On the other side, Steve sits quietly beside Thor who is, as always, bragging.

_"Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!"_ Clint mocks the God from his place beside the Doctor. _"Whatever man! It's a trick."_ Natasha has to admit, she loves Clint's smugness but she could bet it's the same thing that will get him killed eventually.

_"Well please, be my guest."_ Thor replies, pretty sure of what he's doing. Tony and the others look between the two of them suddenly very interested in the little challenge. Natasha's also sure Maria's half tired half amused expression mimics her own. 

 A feisty smile spreads on the archer's lips as his audience start making encouraging sounds, it's all fun until he actually tries to lift the thing.

_"Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up."_ Tony says, a smile playing on his lips and his eyes dancing with his own amusement as the others watch with interest. Natasha feels sorry for Helen, missing all the fun as she fell asleep a while ago.

 The Mjölnir doesn't even move but she's perfectly able to see Clint's veins popping up on his neck from the effort. The rest of them laugh but the archer doesn't look terribly disappointed when it doesn't work out, Natasha supposes he wasn't really expecting to be able to lift the thing, as much as making a good time of it; she smiles mostly to herself, because that entire reasoning sounds very like him.

_"Smell the silent judgment?"_ Tony asks very pleased with himself.

_"Please, Stark, by all means."_ Clint replies, and this time a little spite slips in his voice.

 Of course the man in question doesn't even hesitate to participate, perfectly comfortable with the spotlight being on him, he evens unbuttons his jacket. Natasha takes another sip of her beer and eyes Steve across from her, surprise surprise, he was already looking at her; there's laughter bubbling behind his eyes and she can't help but to correspond his grin with one of her own.

_"Oh, here we go."_ She says as the billionaire prepares to make a fool of himself.

_"Right, so, if I lift it, I...I then rule Asgard?"_ He asks, nothing short of smugness, Thor nods and replies much to his delight. _"I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta."_

 Natasha especially enjoys the part when the hammer fails to be lifted once more and she and Bruce laugh when Tony excuses himself for a second; when he comes back, he's wearing the armored hand of his suit, still convinced it is a matter of strength. Just like before he can't even make the hammer tremble, but alas, still not convinced he recruits Rhodey to assist him.

_"Are you even pulling?"_ The later asks a little out of breath when even with both of them wearing their armor's hands they can't lift the Mjölnir.

  _"Are you on my team?"_ The billionaire responds just a little outraged and not totally defeated yet.

  _"Just represent! Pull!"_  Rhodey urges. Natasha meets Maria's eyes when both men start pulling until their eyes are almost falling from their faces. The brunette lifts an eyebrow as her lips silently form the word _"Men"_

 When both Tony and Rhodes are satisfyingly defeated it is clear everyone will have a chance at winning their masculinity contest, Thor on the other side doesn't say anything besides looking calm and amused with the little show. Bruce is next, he looks awfully confident Natasha thinks, it's funny, but she's not sure if he's trying to impress her or if he's just starting to get out of his dork shell little by little.

 Of course he fails too, like his predecessors; but he doesn't let that discourage him, roaring and grunting as if he was about to change into the Hulk. Everyone looks at him a little annoyed, Steve just frowns and covers his smile, sympathetic for another dorkish comrade; Natasha smiles at Bruce, pretty much because she feels like he's loosening up a little to woo her, or maybe it was just the alcohol, either way, she had to admit it's at least a bit endearing.

 After him, Steve jumps a bit on his seat, eyeing Thor as if to ask for permission before he enthusiastically stands up and start rolling the sleeves of his dress shirt up. Natasha's eyes immediately turn to him, and even Helen Cho seems to wake up from her nap to look at him.

_"Come on Cap."_ Rhodey encourages him from his seat, as the attention turns to the blond man.

 Steve stands confidently, legs apart, and grasps the handle; suddenly the veins and tendons of his arms are a little more visible as a product of the effort he's putting onto it. The redhead's green eyes follow the shape of his forearms up to the strain of his shoulders and to his face, contorted because of the strength the current task is demanding from him. An unusual need to touch him, to trace the skin that encases his muscles becomes impossible to ignore in presence of such a display of power, causing a foreign heat to curl low inside her stomach. And it's then when something impossible occurs, of course no one notices but her, probably because no one is looking as close as she is, but that doesn't matter, because when Steve is putting all of his strength into trying to lift the Mjölnir, the damn thing actually moves. It's only a millimeter and only for a fraction of a second before Steve gives up and lets go of the handle.

_"Nothing."_ Says a visibly relieved Thor when Steve returns to his seat. Natasha, still a little dazed by the demonstration decides the God has definitely seen it too.

_"Widow?"_ Bruce asks, pulling her out of her indecent thoughts, as he tries to get her to participate too.

_"Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered."_ She replies quickly, taking another sip from her beer; her eyes meets Steve's again, he smiles and shakes his head as if what she just said was pure nonsense.

 Tony ends up distracting her once more _"All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged."_ He comments, still a little sore over his failure.

_"You bet your ass."_ Clint replies, seemingly satisfied with his experiment.

_"Steve, he said a bad language word."_ Maria jumps in with a malicious grin.

 Steve looks disappointed and only a little annoyed as he looks up at Tony from his seat. _"Did you tell everyone about that?"_

 The billionaire ignores him as he continues to find an explanation to the science of Thor's hammer. _"The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. "Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation?"_

 The God looks at him still very pleased with himself, and now, reassured as he figures no one else noticed the Mjölnir move when it was Steve's turn. _"Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one."_ He stands, lifting the thing on his hand, even flipping it in the air. _"You're all not worthy."_ Natasha shrugs in her place, she has accepted that fact while the rest of the team loudly disagrees but it's all for show she can tell.

 It is right then too, when time seems to slow down and then everything goes to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for taking so long to update! Life get's in the way, I promise I will try to keep chapters coming as much as I can from now. As always, thank you for the nice comments and kudos, you make my day! Are you liking it so far? Let me know.


	7. Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So another update, I'm very sorry to say that this one might be the last one this week as I have a thousand things to do :( I will try to update soon though. Also I love Wanda, so I hope you don't hold it against me if I mess with her around a little this time, as I think the team has a right to be at least a little mad at her for messing with their heads. That's all read on!

 After the party all became blur, both Bruce and Tony tried to explain to the rest of them what the hell was happening and the team started moving in hopes to stop Ultron before he could do any more damage; for the first time since the battle of New York, their immediate efforts proved to be unsuccessful. The AI's attack on them during the party's aftermath left them a little dazed and so Natasha pushed whatever personal feelings or concerns were occupying her mind, away for the time being. It was easier to just slip into work mode and forget about her romantic life at the time. 

 An obnoxious little voice at the back of her mind laughed at her, mocking her for allowing such thoughts to become so important; what would her handlers have said? To look upon her and see how the infamous Black Widow's attention was now divided between work and romantic feelings. She dreaded her own stupidity, and felt ashamed to say the least. She, who had broken uncountable hearts and killed dozens of men while they were blinded by her beauty. Suffering for a man was beneath her.

 But it was what it was, and she learned that though becoming soft was easy enough, returning to her former cold heart status was a little more complicated. And so shutting out her emotions was probably the best course of action she could pull off at the time.

 Steve on the other side, was in a constant state of shock and incredulity, he had never had a hard time separating his work self from his emotional one, that skill was necessary to achieve success in war, especially if you were in charge of friends. His anger was coming from another place entirely. He was pretty sure everyone knew he hated lying and being lied to, and having things hidden from him, that said, he couldn't understand why would Tony conceal his researches from the rest of the team, of course he wouldn't have approved it, but they were a team and trust was the principal foundation of good teamwork.

 And as if they hadn't had enough problems, Ultron had managed to recruit the twins Strucker had been experimenting on, fueling their hate for the Avengers on the belief that Tony was directly responsible for the death of their parents. The boy -because he was that, _a boy_ -was strong, and fast, faster than anyone Natasha had seen, even back at the Red Room, but he had little training and men were almost all the same, she could handle him alright if it ever came to it. The girl was a different matter entirely.

 Her abilities were beyond simple manipulation, she was actually capable of implanting memories and influencing the mind to do as she pleased, among other telekinetic things. To say Natasha was afraid wasn't quite right, she was almost never scared, but she did not wish to underestimate the girl. 

 Of the threats she had encountered along her career and later under the mantle of SHIELD, there were only a few ones capable of such power. Yes, the Maximoff girl might have been inexperienced and young, but Natasha had also been inexperienced and young once, and even then, she had earned the name of Black Widow.

 The problem was, that the girl had already proven herself. She had managed to reduce the team to ashes in a couple minutes, seizing control of their minds, showing them anything that would turn them into useless puppets, and it worked.

 Besides the obvious feeling of incapacity and violation Natasha suffered at having her head scrutinized, there was another, more concerning reality. She had no way of knowing what the Maximoff girl had learned from her bare mind but she did know what the girl had shown her, and it was nothing besides the truth.

 Back when she was barely a woman, and one man had already been ripped from her side as punishment for both their insubordination, the redhead had learnt an important lesson; her mind, as it was, was probably the only sanctuary left for someone like her, whose body had already been used and abused; and she had to protect it no matter the cost. Those were the last few thoughts she had before her handlers sent her inside to have her memories modified. Of course at the time the technology they used hadn't been refined, and her real memories came back after a while anyway, but the experience served as a warning and Natasha had promised herself she would never break the rules, or allow anyone to play with her thoughts again.

 All that resolution turned to dust the moment that girl got inside her head, there were no walls, no sanctuary to protect her from whatever that little brat wanted her to see. The frightening part, however was not the vulnerability or the vision itself, but the nature of it, because there was no vision after all, just memories.

 Her own wrecked piece of a childhood and teenage years; her handlers and the selection progress, Alexei and the ever present reminder of her place in the world in the form of a scar right above her navel. All thrown back at her with the same strength she had first tried to push them away with. It was terrible, and painful, and real.

 It all served as a reminder Natasha supposed, who was she but an assassin, trained do to nothing more than what assassins do? A girl with no past, the Red Room chose to carry their legacy and bring pride to the same people who destroyed her humanity. In which, delusional moment did she start to think she was worth any kind of affection? That she would get anything besides what murderers get? There was no place in the world for her, there would never be.

 She couldn't help but picture Steve's very blue eyes in that moment, as she sat all curled up besides Clint, there was no way she would ever deserve someone like him, as kind as he was; she probably didn't even deserve the way he looked at her or his respect. In fewer words Natasha was the fruit of all he stood up against. How could he want that?

 Clint tightened his arm around her shoulders a bit more as if he could feel her sorrow beneath the cold surface. He was good like that, he accepted her without hesitation, no worries, or questions asked. But he would always be that, an understanding partner and a friend. She couldn't allow her past to harm him too, not when he had gone through enough shit himself.

 She's so caught up in her head she barely notices they have arrived; the sound of civilization is muted and the birds are barely audible, the plain confusion is pretty clear in her teammates's faces. Natasha barely registers a distraught looking Steve behind her as Clint pulls her up with him.

 The redhead tries very hard not to make eye contact but its impossible, and the moment their eyes meet, she sees Steve's face change, trying to accommodate a normal smile with his clouded eyes; as if even in that state when she's sure he was beaten just like her if not even more, he's still trying to turn the attention away from himself and into the ones that need it the most.

 _"What is this place?"_ She hears Thor say behind them as she drags her feet through the familiar path leading to the house.

 _"A safe house?"_ Tony wonders, repeating what Clint said before.

 _"Let's hope."_ Clint replies quietly, helping her up the little steps and through the door. Suddenly they're all surrounded by this sweet smell, promising cookies and sunshine filled days; a few drawings are scattered around the room among _Legos_ and other toys. A silent silent smile spreads through her lips and the archer's arm tightens around her waist.

 There are small succulents on the windows, inside little pots painted in different colors; cushions laying here and there and a pair of small pointe shoes on a table, still new and ribbons ready to be sewed. The entire scene seems so serene and peaceful Natasha doesn't step too hard in fear she might pop the bubble; the last time she was in that house wasn't so long ago, however it still seems like a dream she's inside of. Something so pure and lovely she would never be able to belong inside.

 She can see Steve by the corner of her eye, he looks as confused and awestruck as herself the first time she stood inside that porch, under that roof. 

 _"Honey, I'm home."_ Clint says out loud, a funny note slipping into his voice even over the tiredness he obviously felt.

 And then just as magically as the dream house had appeared, a heavily pregnant woman walks in from the kitchen.

  _"Hi. Got company. Sorry I didn't call ahead."_ The archer explains, shrugging. He moved as carefully as he could, depositing Natasha on her own two feet and making sure she was okay before he pulls the new woman into a hug.

 _"Hey."_ She says, looking up at him.

 Natasha would throw a Lego at Tony when he speaks again. _"This is an agent of some kind."_ The billionaire tells Thor under his breath.

 _"Gentleman, this is Laura."_ Clint announces to the team, smiling proudly as he looks at them one by one.

 _"I know all your names."_ The brunette adds as the other men in the room look at her awkwardly.

 The archer looks over at Natasha. She grins a little, entertained by her companions' faces, but also reassuring as she knows how difficult it might be for him to share such an important part of his life with his teammates. _"She's my sister."_ He explains finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non canon compliant, the tag is up there for a reason ;) Anyway, let me know if you're enjoying it so far!


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